A Better Day!

I'm at work right now. I'm currently very tired and wish I was in bed. I actually got to work early for once (9:58am). My boss is less than thrilled that I arrive at work after 10am so now I have to actually get it together and get here on time. UGH!! I am sooooooo NOT a morning person. Not that if I had to come in in the afternoon I'd be on time anyway. I'm just naturally a late person. I've been trying to work on that forever now. Every job I've had I've arrive late 9/10 times and they let me slide w/ it, so I guess I'm spoiled that way. It's a hard habit to break after so many years, but I'll try b/c I don't wanna upset my boss too much. She's a good person. This just means that I WONT be working extra extra late hours anymore. Well, I probably will seeing as I don't lead an interesting life, yet! Besides, I have this guy (Dr. Krunk) I converse with & at times hang out w/ in the office after work hours anyway. He's required to work late, so its not so bad being here late. We have good conversations and he's currently helping me with a sex product I want to invent. I kind of gave up on it already b/c I'm a bit lazy to go the extra mile to do ALL the required research for the product.

So far we came up with the name of it. That took like 3 late nights to come up with. I have an idea of how I want to market it, but that still needs some work. But before all of that, I need to do research on the type of material I want to be used for this product. Anyway, as I said, I kind of gave up on it. Dr. K was right, it has probably been invented already and out there somewhere. Thats the 1st thing we should've researched but I remember watching an HBO special on sex products and that wasn't on the list so... but enough about this. I gotta get back to work. Well I mean start anyway. LOL

I really don't feel like working today. Oh before I go I'll talk a little about yesterday. It wasn't as bad (emotionally) as the day before. I was busy at work for the most part so I had that distraction, but I had a talk (via IM) with Mike throughout the day about "us" and getting his feedback on what the real deal is. Since we both hate our mini dramas, I figured out a way to stop them permanently... he just need to say 3 words to me (no, not "I love you") & I'll do it. However, he couldn't just say it like that b/c I don't think thats what he really wants, but at the same time its what needs to be done for the drama to stop.

So instead of saying the 3 words he wrote about 3 sentences which basicallly required me to make a decision. After that we both got frustrated and I basically decided that I give up! So now we're officially just friends. About an hour or so after that we were in each others presence (very close too) for about 15mins and with every moment that passed that I wasn't distracted from what I was doing, all my feelings for him would just rush through my body and just hit me & then I'd feel sooo _________ inside for that time, then I'd snap out of it and continue what I was doing. It happened quite frequently. Then I spent an additional 15mins with him commuting home, but that wasn't too intense b/c I made lots of conversation with another friend I met on the train, so that was distracting for the most part.

Usually everytime I see him leave I feel like a part of me is leaving as well, leaving me a little less than complete... and in my mind I'm screaming, "Please don't go." Can you say attachment issues? LOL!! Can you say, seek therapy! Don't worry, I am. But I digress! So yesterday I felt that way too, but w/o the screaming in my head b/c I was working on letting him go. Speaking of which... this is how I'm working on letting him go.

I went home, early for once, excited that I could actually kick back and relax and get a decent nights sleep. Instead of doing just that though, I felt the need to get some stuff off my chest. Share/express my feelings to him via e-mail, in the form of songs w/ my personal commentary before listening to each one. It took 2hrs+ to find the songs that I felt best expressed my thoughts & how I felt (in regards to him). I used 8 songs and this is exactly how I sent them:

Just thought you should know: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fR-e5KJzREc

Another fact to know: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bbl9aNJC2AM&NR=1

When I spent the night w/ you I thought: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vo_0UXRY_rY&feature=related

I really can't..true thing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MxmthbKZYU

Just the chorus of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFjSTUT6XeE

Definitely SOOOOOOOO TRUE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyhRsIZWg_c

Well it wasn't the 1st time, but really once I got to know you I knew: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CJEm906tJY&feature=related

and to end.....

When things are good w/ us: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDlARx4tkwM&feature=related

I just thought he should have a little insight on my current feelings, but it wasn't intended in any way to attempt to change things between us now. We just have the type of relationship/friendship where we share whatever is on our mind at any time, regardless. I really like that aspect of our friendship.

So as I've been writing this entire new post, I've been listening to these songs. Some repeatedly (i.e. the 4th link- a favorite of mine & the last one... I LOVE that song soooooooooooo much. Its gonna be one of my wedding songs). You know how when you hear certain songs it hits your emotions and you can feel it throughout your entire body & you get goose bumps? Thats the effect that damn near all those songs have on me, especially those 2 I just specified.

Anyway, its getting late in the day and even though I still don't feel like working, I'm gonna start now... and continue to converse w/ Dr. K & others via IM. I have been feeling the urge to go back to school so I'm going to research info about different grad school programs, etc., b/c I just wanna get school over with already.

Well now that I'm well rested and was able to get my thoughts out in this post, I'm feeling better. I'm not super emotional or anything, and the day is looking up. The time now is 12:50pm. The day is somewhat almost over (in my head anyway).

Til next time...