Heartache

I don't know how this blog thing really works but 2 people have encouraged me to create one, so here I am.

So today I took the day off because I just needed a f**kin break from my daily routine. I just did NOT feel like traveling by train into the city and being at work. Besides, I wasn't feeling that great anyway.

So the heartache. I've been seeing someone on the low for about 2 months now but we've known each other much longer than that. Its great b/c we love each other, etc., but the only thing is that his schedule is quite busy and he really doesn't have time for a relationship, which I eventually would want from him (as I'm getting older and this dating for fun seems like BS when I have a future to plan including having a husband and kids). Recently a tragic event occurred in which he had to deal with, and in the process he pretty much pushed me away to deal w/ it. Don't worry, the tragic event had nothing to do with me. So being the super emotional person I am, I got all my feelings out in an email and knowing that I would probably regret it, I sent it to him.

He responded this morning. After reading it I kind of lost my appetite. He didn't say anything f**ked up or anything, but he pretty much spoke his mind about certain issues and now we're pretty much going to revert back to just friends. We've tried this numerous times with very little success (being just friends). The weird thing about it though is that I know if I don't try to get him back, he'll really try to go through with this "just friends" BS. The question is, should I even try? I mean he's a really great guy an all, marriage material even, but I wonder if we really are better off just being friends now.

See, I've had a bunch of shitty relationships so you know when you find a good person, you should hold on to them? Well thats my take on anything regarding him... he's a great guy, work out whatever problems you guys have, and keep moving forward together. So with that mindframe, I think I should try to hold on to him. However, I'm sure there are other great guys out there so why try to hold on to this one in particular? Hmm... don't know. I think we developed a really close bond and I trust him more than I trust most people. I trust him with my heart & my emotions (which I tell you is no small thing). I tell him more things than I tell most people. And deep down inside, you know when you just KNOW someone is for you? I feel that way about him.

Well anyway, we'll see what happens. I'll be sure to give updates if I have the time.