Clarity... (finally)

I finally have clarity. Things are going great. I'm feeling great and life is looking up!

I turned to God for the clarity and strength that I needed to let go and be free of all the things that has had me in a foul mood for far too long. I must say that I've been in such a great mood lately thanks to Him. Only He could've gotten me out of my rut. All praises be unto Him.

I feel like I've stepped out of the dark and into the light. I'm going to church again (well bible study, but its pretty much the same thing), and I've started back at the gym again. My mind is right, my heart is great, I'm filled with faith and I have lots of love and joy and peace inside me now. Its really true that once you get to know God, or get a better understanding of His word & promises for you & your life... it changes things for the better, once you decide to stay in faith and live a righteous life. I'm not saying I'm a saint all of a sudden, but I'm definitely working on getting on track and in line with God's word.

I recently celebrated Yom Kippur, even though I'm not Jewish. My church which is Christian, celebrated it b/c the day of ATONEMENT is the most important day recognized by God. I'm not going to go into details, seeing that I just learned about it, but it required fasting from sundown to sundown (1 day), which I did and felt fantastic about. I actually fasted for 29.5hrs (no food, no beverages, not even water). This is a big thing for me seeing that I usually get hungry rather quickly and then get aggrevated, experience hunger pains, headaches, etc., if I don't satisfy that need to eat. However, though I did get hungry many, many times, I was able to control it, through discipline and focus and faith that God would allow me to get through it. Plus, I knew I was doing it for a greater good. I mean, how could I deny God of a task in which I'm well able to complete (though before hand I didn't think I could)? After all that Jesus has been through for us, and the blessings and miracles that God has bestowed upon us, how could I deny Him something as small as fasting for a day?

I have an unexplanable joy coming from within everyday now. I'm finally happy and at peace (for the most part). One of the #1 things I needed to do was learn to not give a F about trying to please everyone and having everyone like me. That was a problem, but no more. For example, for whatever reason, Mike has decided to stop talking to me and this is fine. Now he can say its b/c he's been so busy, etc, but by now I know when he's too busy to talk and when he's just not talking to me at all. But either way, I'm fine. Normally I'd be all concerned and worried and try to find out what the problem is and how I can make it right, but now you know what... I don't care! I couldn't give a sh*t less what the problem is. I had to learn that not everyone is gonna like me. Not everyone is going to agree with my thoughts or attitude, and not everyone is going to fully understand me. Not everyone is always going to be cool w/ me or okay w/ me, and now... thats fine with me. My New attitude is: Like me, love me, or don't, it doesn't matter b/c God loves me. Jesus loves me. And honestly, if you really think about it, thats all that really matters. I'm not saying I'm going to go overboard and be an a**hole about my attitude, people, and life, but I will continue to definitely remember that whenever I unnecessarily start to care too much about what people think about me.

Another thing I had to realize was that not everyone that you think should be or you want to remain in your life, will. People come into your life to play a certain role for either a short period of time, longterm, or permanently. Learn what you learn from whatever you experience with them and move on when its time. More importantly, move on w/o having any doubts or regrets about it if you know if its the right thing to do, or what needs to be done. Don't second guess yourself. God always has a plan, and a better one at that, for you and your life when things don't work out the way you'd like it to. Just leave it to Him... put your trust in Him and you'll be fine. That is what I've come to realize and again, I must say, I feel A LOT BETTER about everyting that once bothered me.

Anger management... working on that too. I want to work on all the issues that are negative in my life and either make them positive, or just let them go, period!

Anyway, I just wanted to share my new found joy, peace, strength and love from within and from above.... I will keep up the positive attitude for as long as I can, make peace w/ whomever I need to do so with, let go of all negative things- people & baggage, and focus on becoming a better person.....Being the best that I can be, and always putting God first!

In the words of Joel Osteen.... "My best days are yet to come."

12:51pm (@ work)